Gentle Clowns predicted to send Dirty Birds back to university-subsidized nest in tears

first_imgComing off an upset victory over the Dirty Birds just a year ago — and it is only referred to an upset simply because the Birds were so upset over their loss that they decided to throw entire pitchers of beer at the opposition — the Gentle Clowns are more than ready to defend their title in the annual softball game Saturday.While the Dirty Birds went through a brief era of success, the Gentle Clowns finally managed to breakthrough in last year’s event, but with the majority of the talent from last year’s squad doing bigger and better things, the Clowns will look to revamp the roster to assert that last year wasn’t just a fluke.This year’s squad will be captained by sports editors Nick “I’m two degrees of separation from Mark Cuban” Brazzoni and Eric “Goldy the staff turkey” Goldsobel. In last year’s outing, Goldsobel played prolifically in center field while Brazzoni was a late scratch from the outing because he got too drunk and refused to leave the keg alone.“I don’t understand why Nick is listed first,” Goldy whined.Rounding out the infield will be the power arts duo of Henry “Where is the closest Urban?” Solotaroff-Weber and Frankie “Where’s my bunny?” Hermanek, along with catcher Yusra “Yurso dumb B.o.B.” Murad, who plans to distract the Dirty Bird batters with her wit as she compares their body types to the animals at Henry Vilas Zoo. Her partner in crime, Aaron “Crapz ‘N’ Carrotz” Hathaway is listed as questionable, as he may be out searching for castles and bomb shelters somewhere in Madison or a bathroom to analyze.Among other team leaders will be the powerful upper management trio of Aliya “EVERYONE TAKE A SHOT” Iftikhar, Rachael “When the fuck is Beyoncé’s album going to be released I’ve already used up two free TIDAL trials” Lallensack and Briana “I really don’t like this opinion story” Reilly.A fourth member is potentially set to be added to the trio, as Hayley “I went to space last summer, what did you do?” Sperling is set to take over The Badger Herald as the new Editor-in-Chief. While she has been practicing her chugging for weeks now, she has also been working to get the game broadcasted in space because she swears she is an astronaut.“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZ and NAAAASSSSAAAAAAA,” Sperling said while chugging a Kül Premium.Luke “Pretzel” Schaetzel swears he’ll be in attendance but it’s more than likely he’ll show up 30 minutes late due to a hangover after a late night out with his buddy Ron (Diaz) because that is literally his only friend.“But dude, you should have been at my party,” Pretzel said as he knocks all the doorknobs off of Goldy’s doors. “Every single athlete that ever existed was in attendance — I swear!!”Should Schaetzel fail to show, Aaron “Luke put these stories in here” Reilly will be sure to fill in and take all the blame for Schaetzel’s miscues as he has grown used to doing on a regular basis, while Phil “I manage to never get yelled at” Michaelson will quietly prove he’s actually the best player on the team … by far.Rounding out the dangerous Clown squad outfield will be Teymour “Take you out” Tomsyck, Riley “I’m running out of cover ideas” Vetterkind and Connor “One time I lit myself on fire” Dugan, while Saturday’s inactives will include video editor Nyal “Still looking for a new house to film a BH Cribz at” Mueenuddin, banter associate Nolan “Still trying to find out what the difference between a JPG and a JPG 2000 is” Ferlic and social media coordinator Kevin “Can’t risk missing the surprise release of TurboGrafx 16” Castro.Self-Proclaimed Old Guy Polo Rocha will probably show up unannounced.“Branding and stuff,” Polo said as he is seven beers deep with a bacon costume on counting his gray hairs.It’s most likely that photo editors Marissa “Are these pics good for Instagram?” Haegele and Katie “Wearing a cool hat in a canyon” Cooney won’t be able to take pictures come Saturday seeing as though no one put in photo requests in the Google Doc.With this mighty of a squad, there is no doubt the Gentle Clowns will send the flying phonies back into the dirt for the second straight year behind power hitting, tremendous base running and headlines that aren’t diagonal.And while the final outcome of the softball game will be very important, it will not be as important as the postgame dance off, as Lallensack and Copy Chief Amy “Don’t write an Oxford comma or I’ll put you to” Sleep look to defend their title for the second and final year.last_img read more

Mourinho set for crunch Woodward talks in next 48 hours with job still on the line

first_imgManchester United manager Jose Mourinho is set to hold talks with Ed Woodward with his job still on the line, according to reports.Mourinho was tipped to lose his job over the weekend but appeared to secure his position with a stunning comeback victory over Newcastle on Saturday evening. predicted Which teams do the best on Boxing Day in the Premier League era? revealed The average first-team salaries at every Premier League club in 2019 Liverpool news live: Klopp reveals when Minamino will play and issues injury update REVEALED 2 Mourinho guided United to a remarkable win on Saturday Boxing Day fixtures: All nine Premier League games live on talkSPORT silverware Furthermore, if Mourinho’s position is guaranteed, he will use these talks to open discussions about United’s January transfer business, with just over two months to go before the market reopens.He is said to want to know just how much he will be given to spend, having not been backed to the level he wished during the summer. 2 SORRY England’s most successful clubs of the past decade, according to trophies won gameday cracker How Everton could look in January under Ancelotti with new signings Mourinho feels he was not given the support required by Woodward earlier this year whoops tense However, he reportedly believes United chiefs are still making contingency plans for his departure, with former Real Madrid manager Zinedine Zidane continuing to be linked with replacing the Portuguese at Old Trafford.And, according to The Sun, Mourinho will hold talks with Woodward, United’s executive vice-chairman, over his position at the club in the next 48 hours.Mourinho wants clarity on his position prior to Thursday’s board meeting. and the pair will get together in London for talks. changes Sky Sports presenter apologises for remarks made during Neville’s racism discussion Green reveals how he confronted Sarri after Chelsea’s 6-0 defeat at Man City Did Mahrez just accidentally reveal Fernandinho is leaving Man City this summer? latest Most read in Premier League Guardiola-inspired tactics: Is this how Arsenal will line up under Arteta? Mourinho wanted to bring a new central defender and a winger to Old Trafford, but neither move was sanctioned with the Portuguese’s spending at United already past the £350million mark.last_img read more

Science Cannot Validate Itself

first_imgScience is an unbiased, objective, disciplined, cooperative method for progressively uncovering truth about the natural world.  That’s the way most of us were taught to think about it in school.  Further reflection, however, produces a host of questions rarely discussed in science class.  How does science differ from other unbiased, objective, disciplined, cooperative methods of inquiry?  What is special about scientific logic?  To what does science refer?  How much impact does our humanness and our relationships have on scientific theories?  What is the scientific method?  How is science to be distinguished from pseudoscience? Are all branches of science worthy of the same respect?  What constitutes a scientific explanation?  If our best theories are only tentative, how can we ever know when we have a grasp on reality that is unlikely to be overturned or subsumed under a greater theory?  These and many other questions can keep philosophers of science in the Humanities departments busy for years (but with less grant money).  Working scientists don’t often pay them much attention.  Maybe they should.    Nature1 printed a rare excursion into philosophy of science2 that cast severe doubt on the ability of science to ever grasp reality with sufficient confidence to say we have “arrived” at understanding of the cosmos.  P.-M Binder, an astronomer at the University of Hawaii in Hilo, explored the reasonings of David Wolpert, known for his work on the “No Free Lunch” theorems.3   He sought to explore the nature and limits of scientific reasoning.  Wolpert demonstrated in a recent paper4 that “the entire physical Universe cannot be fully understood by any single inference system that exists within it” (Binder’s words).  If that sounds like something Turing or Gödel would say, it is.    Wolpert is not the first to demonstrate fundamental limits on human knowledge.  Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle is a famous example.  Gödel’s Incompleteness Theorem is another: it placed fundamental limits on the ability of mathematical theories to validate themselves.  Wolpert follows in this tradition with “impossibility results.”  He proved with mathematics and logic that in the Universe of sequences of events that follow natural laws, no two strong inference machines can be strongly inferred from each other.  His conclusions are independent of any particular natural laws employed in the inference.    This means that science can never know everything: just almost everything in the best case.  When you “know” one inference well, there will always be at least one other category of inference that will be unclear or ambiguous.  Example: the equations of chaos theory can perform pretty well in predicting outcomes of seemingly disorganized systems that have a “strong attractor,” at least up to an acceptable level of accuracy.  The catch is: the method cannot validate the equations themselves.  What Wolpert has done, in his own words, is demonstrate “impossibility results” in scientific logic that “can be viewed as a non-quantum-mechanical ‘uncertainty principle.’”    In short, science cannot validate itself.  Science will never produce a theory of everything.  Gone are the optimistic 18th-century traditions of Laplace that, given knowledge of each particle’s position and momentum, future outcomes could be predicted with any desired degree of certainty.  The Uncertainty Principle, generalized into scientific logic by Wolpert, has shown that the more precise an observer measures one quantity (or inference), the more uncertain becomes the other.  Gone also are claims that given a long enough lever and a place to stand, one could move the world.  That standing place will always be wobbly.1.  P.-M Binder, “Philosophy of science: Theories of almost everything,” Nature 455, 884-885 (16 October 2008) | doi:10.1038/455884a.2.  Two articles in The Scientist this month affirm that philosophy of science is neglected in science education these days: one by James Williams on “What Makes Science ‘Science’?” and a follow-up by Richard Gallagher on “Why the Philosophy of Science Matters.”  Both articles, unfortunately, appear to espouse a narrow view that resembles logical positivism.  This view would be considered indefensible by many philosophers today after the Kuhnian Revolution of the 1960s and the Science Wars of the 1990s.  Both also arrogated objectivity to establishment scientists while denigrating creationists and others as ideologues.  One respondent caught Summers in name calling.  Summers backpedaled somewhat, acknowledging his own dogmatism and the fallibility of science.3.  For background on the No Free Lunch theorems, see William Dembski’s book No Free Lunch, Rowman and Littlefield, 2002, esp. section 4.6.4.  David H. Wolpert, “Physical limits of inference,” Physica D 237, 1257�1281 (2008), doi:10.1016/j.physd.2008.03.040.“Science is truth,” chants Finagle’s Creed; “Do not be misled by facts!”  The limitations of scientific inference explored by Wolpert must hit thinking scientists like a rude awakening.  It’s like dreaming of climbing a mountain only to find oneself going up a down escalator.  The Truth about the Universe will forever remain beyond the reach of science.    Binder ended on a confident note that science might still be converging on a close approximation of reality.  Oddly, he ended by showing that two subjects in fundamental physics are beset with shortcomings: the standard model of particle physics, and the so-far intractable problem of uniting quantum mechanics with gravity.  But then he said optimistically, in conclusion, “It is possible, though, that these various theories, along with all that we have learned in physics and other scientific disciplines, will yet merge into the best science can do: a theory of almost everything.”    Almost is not good enough.  There will always be something else you cannot know.  Like Ken Ham quips: if you can’t know what you don’t know, you can’t know what you do know; and if you can’t know what you do know, you might know very little.  To which we add: how could you ever know whether the most important puzzle piece lies outside your world view, in the inference machine that cannot be inferred from within your system?  Maybe, for instance, the most important piece lies in theology.(Visited 49 times, 1 visits today)FacebookTwitterPinterestSave分享0last_img read more

Women’s World Cup: SA selectors ‘spoilt for choice’

first_img4 June 2014After some pleasing performances from his charges, Springbok Women’s coach Lawrence Sephaka said on Tuesday it will be a tough task to select only 26 players for the IRB Women’s Rugby World Cup. The Springbok Women’s XV registered a resounding 87-12 victory against the Women’s Interprovincial XV at Ellis Park on Saturday, which followed on from a convincing 45-7 victory at DHL Newlands three weeks ago in the final trial matches for the players before the selection of the World Cup squad. The 26-member World Cup squad will be announced in mid-June. The tournament takes place from 1 to 17 August in France.‘Very pleasing’“It was very pleasing to see the commitment and focus in the camp before both warm-up matches,” Sephaka said in a statement.“It showed how determined all of the players are, including those in the Interprovincial XV, to be in the group that represents the country at the World Cup. “In the next two weeks we will face the challenge of finalising our World Cup squad, and although the warm-games at Ellis Park and DHL Newlands provided some clarity, it will remain a challenging task to select only 26 players. But it has been pleasing to see how hard all the players involved in the last two matches have worked since January to improve their skills and conditioning to be in contention for places.”Training paying offWith the World Cup only two months away, Sephaka declared himself pleased with the quality of the performance the Springbok Women’s XV delivered at Ellis Park, and he said regular training camps, satellite coaching stations, and the assistance of the SARU Mobi-Unit were paying off.“I am proud of the Springbok Women’s XV,” said Sephaka. “Saturday’s match marked the first time the Springbok Women’s Sevens players were drafted into the 15-a-side set-up and they gelled well with the other players. It was also pleasing to see them adapt to our structures within two days. “I was also pleased with the quality of our rugby. When the players stuck to the game plan the tries followed. That said, we still have a long way to go to reach the quality of rugby we would like to see the women play at the World Cup, but there were several encouraging signs in Saturday’s performance which we will build on in the next two months.”World Cup warm-up tourThe Springbok Women will travel to London and France from 25 June to 5 July on a World Cup warm-up tour, which will include two matches against the Nomads and one against France. Sephaka said the games would serve as the perfect yardstick to measure the team’s progress.“The matches on the warm-up tour are going to be very tough,” he reckoned. “The Nomads always field a quality team, while France will view their match against us as a dress rehearsal for our World Cup pool match, so the players will have to be at their best to have a good tour. “But although it will be challenging, this tour is exactly what we need to prepare the players mentally and physically for the World Cup.” The team’s participation at the tournament is being funded in part by a R2.3-million grant from the National Lottery Distribution Trust Fund. SAinfo reporterlast_img read more

10 months agoOrigi reluctant as Liverpool say he can leave

first_imgOrigi reluctant as Liverpool say he can leaveby Paul Vegas10 months agoSend to a friendShare the loveLiverpool have informed Divock Origi he can leave in January.HLN says the Belgium striker has been told he can find himself a new club. However, Origi doesn’t want to leave.The forward believes he can still find a place in manager Jurgen Klopp’s plans, though also is reluctant to take a pay-cut to leave.Origi was celebrated last month by Reds fans after scoring the winner against Everton.The departure of Dominic Solanke to Crystal Palace on-loan has strengthened Origi’s chances of playing more at Liverpool this season.And he has told his agents he’d prefer to stay until making a definitive decision in June. TagsTransfersAbout the authorPaul VegasShare the loveHave your saylast_img read more

The Toronto Maple Leafs Needed An American To Become Stanley Cup Contenders

When the NHL expanded in 1967, the Toronto Maple Leafs were, at least in terms of Stanley Cup championships won, the league’s second-most-successful franchise. They had won the Stanley Cup 13 times, just one fewer than the Montreal Canadiens, their Quebecois rivals. But while the modern era of the NHL1Defined as the time after that 1967 expansion from six to 12 teams. has been mostly good to the Canadiens — they’ve won the Stanley Cup 10 more times — it has been downright cruel to the Leafs: Their Stanley Cup tally remains stuck at 13, making the Leafs the only Original Six team that hasn’t lifted the Stanley Cup at least once in the NHL’s post-expansion age.Torontonians hope all that will change this season. The Leafs have jumped out to a quick start, winning six of their first nine games while scoring the fourth-most goals per game. The player doing a lot of that scoring — and a principal reason for Toronto’s early success — is a kid from the American desert named Auston Matthews.Of course, the California-born and Arizona-raised Matthews, who turned 21 last month, is a known entity at this point: In terms of point shares amassed in the first two seasons of a player’s career, he has been the best American since at least 1967-68, averaging 9.35 point shares per season. (Better than Mike Modano, better than Patrick Kane, better than Jeremy Roenick. You get the point.) If he can stay healthy and play into his late 30s, and keeping in mind that he hasn’t entered his prime yet, Matthews could finish with close to 200 point shares. This wouldn’t just qualify him as the greatest American player in NHL history; it would make him one of the best players in NHL history, period.Matthews, who averaged nearly a point per game as a 19- and 20-year-old, is averaging 1.78 points through nine games this season. The goals (he has 10 already) are coming easily, and if he keeps this up, he may break Alex Ovechkin’s post-1994-95 lockout record for goals in October.It’s unusual for an American to excel for a Canadian team. Many of the U.S. greats — Roenick, Modano and Kane, not to mention Brian Leetch, Chris Chelios and Pat LaFontaine — played the majority or the entirety of their careers stateside2To be sure, Canadian teams have had American heroes: Joe Mullen was the top point getter on the 1988-89 Calgary Flames team that won the Stanley Cup, and Gary Suter was that team’s second-best defenseman. Very young versions of John LeClair and Mathieu Schneider were pivotal role players on the 1992-93 Canadiens team that lifted the Cup. And the current iteration of the Winnipeg Jets is lousy with American talent.. In fact, it’s unusual for Americans to play in the Great White North at all. Some of that has to do with the drafting habits of Canadian teams: Just 51 of the 1,240 first-round draft picks since expansion have been Americans selected by Canadian teams, only four of whom were Toronto draftees. Americans have accounted for just 11.9 percent of skater games played for Canadian teams since expansion and have just 10.6 percent of the goals scored by Canadian teams. By contrast, Americans have accounted for 17.1 percent of player games played for American teams, and they have 15.0 percent of the goals scored by American teams. GamesGoalsAssistsPoints And in terms of Canadian teams that employ Americans, the Leafs rank low by percentage. Maple Leafs10.29.710.09.9 Canada11.9%10.6%10.9%10.7% Jets*21.521.422.822.3 United States17.115.015.515.3 Share by Americans Senators13.613.111.512.1 Only includes statistics by skaters (i.e., excludes goalies).Source: Hockey-Reference.com Share of Tm. Total by Americans Flames13.5%13.1%14.6%14.1% Which Canadian teams are outsourcing their hockey work?Share of total team player games played and offensive production (by skaters) for American players on Canadian franchises, 1967-68 to 2017-18 TeamGamesGoalsAssistsPoints Nordiques4.43.93.63.7 Canucks8.88.06.57.1 Oilers11.99.410.810.3 Canadiens12.18.89.39.1 Never trust an American to do a Canadian’s job, eh?Share of team stats produced by skaters born in the United States vs. Canada by franchise location, 1967-68 to 2017-18 * Includes both the pre-1997 Jets (who later became the Arizona Coyotes) and 2012-present Jets (who were formerly the Atlanta Thrashers).Source: Hockey-Reference.com Since expansion, Americans have accounted for just 10.2 percent of their skater games played. Only the Vancouver Canucks (8.8 percent) and Quebec Nordiques (4.4 percent)3Who, by the way, haven’t existed since they moved to Denver and became the Colorado Avalanche in 1995.have employed Americans at a lower rate. It’s strange, then, that they’ve hitched their wagon to a kid for whom pond hockey was a thing that only happened in Disney movies.The move has paid off so far: If Matthews isn’t the best player in the world, he’s not far off. And if he delivers the Stanley Cup to long-suffering Leafs fans, nobody in Toronto will think twice about where their savior grew up. read more

The Matchup Ohio State vs Indiana

The air came out of the balloon in Ohio State football’s 2011 season with a too-close-for-comfort win against Indiana. The Buckeyes (6-0, 2-0 Big Ten) will try to avoid another deflating performance against the Hoosiers (2-3, 0-2 Big Ten) Saturday in Bloomington, Ind. OSU’s signature victory of the 2011 season came on Oct. 29 against Wisconsin in a 33-29 victory at Ohio Stadium. The next week, though, OSU disappointed in its 34-20 win against an Indiana team the Buckeyes couldn’t put away until late in the game. Last season’s win against Indiana, which finished the season 1-11, left OSU coaches and players spending post-game interviews explaining away their performance, proved to be a momentum buster – OSU lost four straight to close out the season. OSU is coming off what appears to have been the 2012 season’s signature win on Saturday, a 63-38 drubbing of visiting Nebraska. The kind of letdown OSU experienced against the Hoosiers in November 2011 seems unlikely to occur again this weekend, and the formidable OSU offense might be enough to do the Hoosiers in. The Buckeyes, ranked No. 8 in the Associated Press Top 25 poll, just posted their highest offensive output since a Sept. 21, 1996 game against Pittsburgh. OSU won that game, 72-0. The Buckeyes scored 73 points against Eastern Michigan during the 2010 season, which was later vacated. Can Indiana hang with the high-flying Buckeyes’ offensive attack, and what about the Hoosier defense? Decide for yourself after seeing how the teams match up. Offense OSU will put points on the board against Indiana, that much we know. The Buckeyes are 22nd in America with almost 39 points per game. At almost 250 yards per game, OSU is also the 10th-ranked rushing offense in the country. Leading OSU’s charge on the ground is sophomore quarterback Braxton Miller, who has 763 yards, eight touchdowns and an average of more than 127 yards per game. Miller also set a new single-game, OSU quarterback rushing record against Nebraska with 186 yards on the ground. Indiana’s offense racks up plenty of yards – the Hoosiers have the 26th-ranked total offense as they average just less than 472 yards per game and score almost 33 points per game. The Hoosiers defense has struggled at times, having allowed 41 points against Ball State on Sept. 15, 44 against Northwestern on Sept. 29 and 31 against Michigan State on Oct. 6. With that in mind, the Buckeyes’ offense could hang another big number on the scoreboard this weekend. Defense OSU and Indiana’s respective defensive units have had trouble keeping teams out of the end zone in 2012, but the Buckeyes seem to be in a better position for success on Saturday considering recent success in some areas. The Buckeyes’ defense has demonstrated a propensity for making big plays and enter Saturday’s game with 13 takeaways on the year – OSU has 10 interceptions, three fumble recoveries and two turnovers returned for a touchdown (sophomore cornerback Bradley Roby has both touchdowns). Against Nebraska, OSU tallied four sacks and nine tackles for loss despite allowing the Cornhuskers to score 38 points in the game. The Hoosiers’ defense has forced opponents into five turnovers this season, including three interceptions and two fumble recoveries. Indiana is allowing 441 yards per game in 2012 and has allowed more touchdowns (17) than any other Big Ten Conference team. Special Teams OSU junior receiver Corey Brown is coming into the matchup with Indiana with the hot special teams hands following his 76-yard punt return for a touchdown to put the game out of reach Saturday against Nebraska. For the season, OSU is averaging 12 yards per punt return, which is good enough for 33rd in America. Indiana’s punt return game doesn’t match OSU’s – the Hoosiers are averaging more than six yards per punt return. Kickoff returns are a different story – Indiana averages more than 28 yards per return in that category, and bests OSU’s nearly 20 yards per return. As far as kicking goes, OSU junior Drew Basil has connected on each field goal attempt this season, but he’s only attempted two. By contrast, Indiana redshirt junior kicker Mitch Ewald is 5-of-8 on field goal attempts. Ewald has also proven his ability from distance, connecting on 2-of-2 tried from 30-39 yards and hitting 1-of-3 tries from 40-49 yards. read more

Death drag of ancient ammonite fossil digitized and put online

center_img A death drag is a mark left behind by a creature that recently died and was moved or dragged by another force—in this case, it was an ammonite, a mollusk with a spiral shell that lived in the sea approximately 150 million years ago. It was dragged along the sea floor after it died by the sea current and left behind a very shallow trench. Finding a death drag from a creature millions of years ago is very rare, of course, because it requires a very specific set of circumstances to occur for preservation and discovery. In this case, it was a team of paleontologists digging at a quarry back in the 1990s at a site near the town of Solnhofen in Germany—many other ancient fossils have been found there. The ammonite and its death drag were preserved and were eventually put on display in a museum in Barcelona.The death drag is approximately 8.5 meters long and grows more defined the closer it gets to the ammonite fossil. Prior research has suggested that the sea creature (which was missing its lower jaw, offering proof that it was dead prior to being dragged) was clearly quite buoyant when it began scraping the bottom, due to decomposition gasses inside of its shell—thus, it was just barely touching the bottom and able to leave only grooves at the edges. As time passed, gas seeped from the shell and the creature was dragged more heavily through the sediment, leaving a more defined trench. Prior research also suggested the trench was likely at a depth of 20 to 60 meters and was likely created due to a gentle underwater current.In this new effort, the researchers used a technique called photogrammetry to create digitized imagery of the death drag and the fossil—hundreds of images were made from multiple angles which were all stitched together to create a 3-D model. The result is a model available for download or online in video format. (Phys.org)—A team of workers with members from institutions in the U.K., Germany and Spain has put online a digitized 3-D model of the “death drag” of an ammonite fossil—it is one of the longest ever found for such an ancient creature. They have also written a paper describing both the death drag and fossil and have posted it on the open access site PLOS ONE. The ammonite Subplanites rueppellianus, the producer of the drag mark (MCFO 0492). Credit: PLOS ONE (2017). DOI: 10.1371/journal.pone.0175426 © 2017 Phys.orglast_img read more